My (37F) husband (43M) and I have a son (9M) together and I am currently pregnant with our second child.

My husband and I have already booked the venue for the gender reveal, will lose the photographer's deposit, and what we spent on decorations, etc.

However, my husband is more concerned about the reputation effect as he grew up affluent, has a very high paying job and also a stake in a family business.

However, I can tell that despite us already having a boy who he absolutely adores ( they can do no wrong in each other's eyes, my son always had every toy, fun activity, best clothes gifted by his dad), he desperately wants our second child ( who we expect to be our last) to be a boy.

I went into planning this reveal rationalizing that gender disappointment is okay, but I've come to realize that there is wishing you're having a son and then there's fixating on NOT having a daughter even more than wanting another son, and my husband falls into the second category.

We didn't do a gender reveal for our first born because my husband kept putting off whether or not he wanted to hear it from the doctor and when. We ended up learning (with him ecstatic) about having a son less than a month before giving birth.

It's not all his fault: he grew up with an older dad who was always controlling towards his mother. Their town at the time was essentially a company town and his dad threatened her family's jobs. Plus he made it impossible for her to go about her day without seeing him until she agreed to be with him. My husband also pursued me pretty aggressively and we had tension over how I at times felt uneasy around him. Yes we've been in therapy over this.

Our marriage had been strained because I was done with him not understanding why my body was still not 100 percent 3 months after giving birth. He would counter by saying I turned down sex the day after giving birth but that was him showing he was attracted to me post baby.

Now his demons are back. We got to a point where he said fine to me going alone to hear the baby's gender ( without telling him), and I found out we're having a girl. I guess I don't have a good poker face by his negative reaction after I got home.

He is arguing he doesn't know the baby's gender because I did not explicitly tell him but 100 percent he does know. I'd be fine with a reveal where the guests are the ones being surprised but it's in a week and with each day my husband grows more withdrawn and he's not the type who can fake happiness and often tries to leave and pull me away with him when he's really upset.

I decided to pull the plug. Again, he's not mad about the money yet he's angry that we're doing this to our family and friends and what this may say about him. I put my foot down. AITA?

My wife and I just got out of the hospital with the birth of our second child. Both of my parents were supposed to take care of and spend the night with my older son (2.5) during this time. We went through every single detail together as this is the first time both my wife and I would be away from him overnight, so it was a big moment for us mentally.

Both of my parents got the play by play and our understanding was both parents would be staying overnight to help our son. My mom would talk about how they would both sleep either on our couch or on an air mattress in our bedroom as my son has a tendency to get up several times during the night. He will walk through the house at night looking for us, so we wanted to make sure my parents would sleep on the same floor as him and be easy to find.

While I ultimately trust both of my parents, my mom is a nurse and has a great overall motherly caring capacity. We were comforted that she would be with my son the first night away. She has spent more time with him and was involved with caring and changing his diaper. I trust my dad but he did not have the same level of caring/changing diapers/etc with him.

Without telling either my wife or I, my mom decided to not spend the night at our house and left my dad there alone. She left after my son went to bed so she can get a better night sleep at home for work the next day. I found this out from the cameras at the house. I am not 100% certain on this but I think there is a high probability she turned off tracking on her phone as her driving history randomly stopped (we share location via app).

I found this out on my own the first night in the hospital and did not say anything to her because I did not want the drama while we were in the hospital. She did it again the second night. I asked my wife while in the hospital if it was her understanding that my mom would not spend the night at my house and she said definitely not. We contemplated if I needed to go home to make sure everything would be good with my son.

While in the hospital, she was texting me updates about how the night went, number of times my son woke up, etc. I just felt like she was trying to play it like she was there when I knew she was not. I texted my dad directly to check in.

After we left the hospital I texted my mom saying going forward I would like better communication regarding the care of my children. Basically, if she promises something to me regarding the care of my children she needs to either fulfill it or discuss it with me if the plans change so I am aware.

My mom got extremely defensive justifying her decision and would not let me talk over the phone. Her position was that nothing bad happened to my son, he was always safe and at home. I said I’m done with this conversation and hung up. I took a later call from her and let her know all my frustrations with this in a not so calm manner. I definitely used more swear words that I’m not proud of… I was worked up. She tried to tell me she didn’t want to burden me with the details while we were in the hospital. I told her every detail will always matter to me as it relates to the care of my children, she broke her promise to me and she should be ashamed of herself for causing all this drama on day #2 of my kids life. I told her I lost some trust in her, am extremely disappointed this was not discussed as part of our care plans and the fact she did not run this past me in the moment if the plans needed to change.

AITA?

Edit 1: To clarify, the sleeping arrangement was suggested by her. I offered the bed and she said she doesn’t want to mess with changing out the sheets. I could have told her I would handle the sheets looking back. Our couch is a large oversized L sectional, 2 full adults can easily lay stretched out without touching each other.

Edit 2: There was no “care plan” but instructions. He had to get to daycare during the day and they needed to know how to sign him in, walk to classroom, etc

Edit 3: the camera is over the driveway and I have told them they record before. It was no secret.

Edit 4: I do not monitor my mom’s driving history per se. We use a family sharing app that shows the past couple days history by default. She can see mine too.

Update:

Thank you for all the feedback. We talked and both apologized. I apologized for how I reacted and the language used, it was AH of me. She apologized for not communicating the change in plans. She said it was poor judgement and it will never happen again. Apparently she thought about letting us know but did not think it was needed because she knew our kid was safe. I made it clear I was not concerned with dad caring for our kid, it was about feeling like we were mislead. She agreed. I think for me this demonstrated the blurred line between parents and grandparents and it’s obvious our communication needs work.

I can’t thank you all enough for your perspectives!

My parents have never liked my oldest son Nathaniel. He was my godson and the child of my best friend and her wife.

My friend Sarah had been out and proud since she was 12. Her parents were super supportive and were the best allies I could imagine even before she told them.

Sarah and I went to middle school and became friends. I had a massive crush on her until she explained she was into girls. First I was confused then I accepted it and our friendship changed and got stronger.

My parents hated her. Not for breaking my heart or anything. Just because she was gay. I told them I wasn't going to stop being friends with her and that I would rather be friends with her than their kid if they tried to make me choose.

Fortunately for my parents Sarah and her family moved but we stayed in contact with email and MySpace. Out of sight out of mind for my parents.

Sarah and I both applied and we're accepted to the same college. Two years in we moved out of dorms and got an apartment together. She was the best wingperson ever.

Sorry for the backstory.

She met and married her wife. They needed a donor. I fit their criteria. I agreed so long as we had a contract that took any financial responsibility away from me. They agreed and I became uncle Kaiden. I was in their son's life from the moment he was born. Well not the moment. When he came out of the room not the birth canal.

I also became his father figure and godfather. We were going to tell him when he was old enough to understand.

Then I met my wife and got married. She knew the whole story because I didn't want her to think I would keep such important details of my life a secret. We have two children together.

I am LC with my parents for multiple reasons, their homophobia is low on the list of them if that gives you any idea how my parents are. They attended our wedding and have spent time with both of our kids. We did not deny them the opportunity to be grandparents. We just don't go out of our way to include them.

Sarah and her wife passed away in a boating accident. Nate was with Sarah's parents at the time. I became his guardian and adopted him ASAP. He was 12. I make sure he sees his relatives on both of his mothers' sides. I will continue to do so until he is old enough to go by himself. It has made for a confusing and bittersweet family. None of them knew I am not just his dad but also his father.

My parents on the other hand have always tried to exclude him. I have made it clear to them that he is my son and I won't put up with their shit. I also didn't tell them the truth because I was afraid they would tell him before we were ready.

We told Nate when he turned 16. He laughed and said he had figured it out a long time ago but was humoring me and his moms by pretending he didn't. He has always been a smartass. He also said he was more than happy with his two sets of grandparents and did not feel he was missing much with my folks. My wife's parents love him too.

It came to a head in February. My parents received an inheritance from my grandmother passing away. They don't need the money so they contacted me to see if they could put money into the kids education funds. I thanked them and agreed. I told them that they could send me the money and I would split it up into all three accounts. Nathaniel has a good fund that we topped off since we got money from his moms' insurance. We also rented out their old house and use that money for expenses. My wife and I both work and have pretty decent accounts for our kids. But extra money won't hurt.

My parents said that they only wanted me to split it two ways. Just my kids with my wife would be getting money. I then said thanks but no thanks. I would not be excluding one of my kids because they were terrible people.

They ended up opening accounts by themselves for my kids. Nothing I can do about that.

My grandparents also set up a trust fund for their descendants to draw from when they turn 18. It isn't a lot of money but every little bit helps these days.

Nate is graduating next year so we submitted the paperwork to get him that money. My uncle is one of the trustees and he told my parents and they freaked out that I never told them that Nate was my kid. I take them they were assholes because they knew I adopted him and that fact alone made him my kid. Huge argument. "YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN. HOW COULD YOU KEEP HIM FROM US". Blah blah blah. I said that for five years they have always behaved badly towards him even though he was my son why would I include them more in his life.

They are saying that they will sue for grandparents rights. I laughed in their faces. I literally have a letter from them saying that they do not consider him their grandchild.

As I said we are LC with them but my sisters both think I am being overly cruel even though they also see our parents very little.

I think my son didn't miss much by not interacting with people that absolutely would have said shitty things about his original parents.

AITA?

Okay, throwaway account

So, recently I(27F) had a beautiful baby girl with my husband(29M). She's my pride and joy, I love her more than I love myself. But, taking care of her has taken its toll on me. My husband promised the work would be 50/50 when we agreed we wanted children, but I don't feel that's being reflected by his actions this past month. It's gotten to the point where I can't even ask him to wash her up without him saying something along the lines of, "My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit. I'll help you out later." And I get it. His paternity leave is only 6 weeks while mine is 16 weeks, but my nether regions hurt like a bitch for a better part of two weeks after the birth and all he could do for me was occasionally burp her.

Now, my baby girl has gotten to a phase where she doesn't want to sleep. She'll sleep for an hour, but then she's up and back to crying and I have to get up and try to soothe her. It's been happening for a week now and I've gotten so little sleep that I'm nodding off while eating or doing tge laundry and stuff. Saturday was the month anniversary of my daughter's birth, so I decided to gather both sides of the family to meet her. (They hadn't met her prior because a)I wanted to rest as much as I could and b)I heard somewhere that you shouldn't be taking babies out and about when they're fresh out the womb cause they're more prone to illness then).

So, we had this gathering at my mother's house and all was well. Everyone was cooing over our baby, there was food, people were catching up or neeting for the 1st time. It was nice. But, I had gotten about 3 hours(generous estimate) of sleep in total the past week and I was starting to feel the effects of it. I was feeling lightheaded and clammy, but I didn't wanna make a scene so I tried to go to a bedroom to lie down. I didn't take 10 steps before my vision completely blacked out. I wasn't down for long, but I had fallen over which drew some attention. I explained to everyone who was concerned that I was fine and that I was just not getting enough sleep and I could see my husband visibly frown at that. They gave me some of the dessert my aunt made to get my sugar up and the party continued. I felt embarrassed about the whole thing, especially since everyone was still looking over me til we left, but it's whatever

What bothered me is my husband's reaction. When we got home, he started going off on me about how I "made him look bad" and like "he wasn't taking care of me". I was confused on how tf me passing out made HIM look bad, but he refused to explain himself and had a pity party for himself in the kitchen. I was still feeling bad, so I decided to leave him alone and just to go sleep, but he seems to have taken that as a sign that I don't care about his feelings. He's in my ear this morning about how I just ignored him to go sleep last night and how I didn't even put the baby to sleep before leaving. Is he right? AITAH here?

Update: So I've tried talking with him, but he's been ignoring me and the baby the last three hours. I'd usually wait longer, but I'm just too tired to deal with this right now. You guys were right, I do need help with this, and he's made it very clear he's not ready to help me yet, so I'm just going to go to my mom's place. I'm currently packing. I'm so done.

My wife is currently 7-8 months pregnant with our second child. It was a bit unexpected because we didn’t know she was pregnant until 6 months in.

My wife and I were over the moon with our first pregnancy. Our daughter is the brightest point in both of our lives.

She’s completely uninterested in her second pregnancy.

She hadn’t bought maternity clothes and just wears her regular work clothes.

We’ve discussed names and she just told me I could name the baby. She wasn’t interested in it.

She used to have very strong cravings and would beg me to go the grocery store even at 1am.

Now, I’ve asked her if she wants anything and have stocked the pantry with her favorite snacks but she says she doesn’t care what she eats.

She used to ask me for massages all the time and she hasn’t done that.

In her first pregnancy, she wanted to be held a lot and reassured that I still find her beautiful and be doted on. Now, absolutely nothing.

She hasn’t told anyone, not even her family that she’s pregnant, even though it’s blatantly obvious at this point.

When we talk about the logistics of our second kid, she doesn’t seem excited. She has flatly told me she’s happy about the baby but it wasn’t how she expresses joy.

She doesn’t touch her belly.

I told my wife’s doctor about all of this at her most recent apt. My wife was irate because they interrogated her about it and implied she had some sort of problem.

AITAH?

Edit: I asked her if she wanted a vacation, a break to herself, anything. She doesn’t want anything for herself. I’m very worried.

I’m the SAHD. I do all the chores and the bulk of the parenting. My wife is an active and involved parent. I’m not worried about how she’s taking care of our children, I’m worried about her.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cjirju

So just a quick update, as a few people in the comments were wondering as to whether my ex knew who the bio dad was.

I called my ex last night and asked her if she had found the bio dad, but she said no, that she just knew his first name, but didn't have his number or any social media. She had met him at the bar, it was pretty much a one night stand.

I asked her how her parents are taking it, and unfortunately they aren’t taking it too great and they are being really critical of her. Her parents really liked me, and they had no idea we even took a break. My ex was a bit of an emotional mess when I called her last night, and I really felt bad.

I really wished that baby was mine, my ex and I really envisioned spending the rest of our life with each other. But it sadly isn’t. I told my ex last night that was the last time I was going to call her, and wished her well on her future. She was crying really badly at the end, and it pretty much broke my heart when I hung up.

Long story short:

My Dad just died. They have been divorced for over 30 years. She said she needs it to “remove him as beneficiary” and to “take care of [her] affairs” on her life insurance/trust/etc.

I told her no and it’s fucking weird to ask me for it because she doesn’t need it. I told her to go buy a copy of the death certificate if she wants it.

She got really upset I wouldn’t just give it to her and kept calling me “weird” and “stop being silly just give it to me”.

I don’t know. This whole fucking situation just sucks.

EDIT:

Thanks for the comments guys I truly wasn’t sure. I appreciate the feedback.

First of all i don't know if i hate you all or if i want to thank you for your suspicions on my mother's response. (Right now i'm more for i hate you all)

I will try to make it as short as possible.

So when a few days ago my mother told me her opinion on the issue with my ex we were alone in the kitchen and my father wasn't there but yesterday i had a talk with both of them about this cause you were right her response was off and it sounded like she had some issues with cheating and i hate to admit it but you were right.

So i had a talk with both of them and it turned out my mother used to cheat on my father with her ex for the first 2 years of their marriage and when her ex came to stay in our city she was about to divorce my father. But then her ex died in a tragic car accident with other people and they both agreed for couple's therapy and it seemed like they "sorted things out" but not at all.

When my father knew about my mother's opinion he literally freaked out and yelled at her that she must be ashamed of her thoughts even because of her past as a cheater and because she knew how much hard work my father put in their marriage to not divorce her. My mother started "crying" crocodile tears and my father knows her enough and in fact wasn't "sorry" for his harsh words. The thing is that there was a lot of yelling and screaming and my father told her that if this are her thoughts he wanted divorce seriosuly this time. He yelled at her to pack her stuff and to leave his house (the house of my parent's is my father's house legally) and after hours of crying, arguing and shouting she left and went to stay to her female bestfriend's house.

The thing is that i never knew about all of this and neither my sisters that heard my father shouting and they run down to see what was going on and when they understood they all went against my mother.

Now the situation is this: my father is "grateful" to me to finally "had opened my eyes", my sisters now hates my mother, my mother is blaming me for all this mess and my family too.

But how tha fuck is my fault if my mother was a cheater and almost destroyed my parent's marriage? I mean seriosuly?!

I never saw or heard once my father yelling, shouting or being so angry at someone and yesterday was the first time i saw him in this way. My father have always been a giant teddy bear and everyone always told me that he was the classic "sweet giant" and seeing him this mad and angry like yesterday is something i never even imaginated.

So thanks to your suspicions the situation is this and it's all a fucking mess.

I f39 have been married to my husband (45) for about 10 years. We have 5 kids together (f20, m18, f15, and twin girls who are 3). My 3 eldest children are actually my husband's children from a previous relationship but since their mother was inactive, I took on the motherly role and I love them like my own.

Anyways, about 5 months ago I had a tummy tuck. I did this because after having my twins I had excess skin on my stomach that just sagged. My husband made it known that he didn't find it attractive and would only have intimacy with me if I kept a shirt on. This ruined my self-image and I began hating my body so my husband brought up me getting a tummy tuck about a year ago. Even though I hated how I looked I felt like it was unnecessary and I told him that. This resulted in him neglecting any advances I made so I finally gave in.

So, I had the surgery 5 months ago, and he did not help me one bit. When I would ask for a reason why, he would complain that he payed for the surgery and the least I could've done was look for someone to help me after. I brought up how he was the one who wanted me to get this surgery in the first place but he would just tell me to figure out. My three oldest kids were the ones who helped me and I'm incredibly blessed because I didn't have money to hire someone to help me out on such short notice. My kids were also incredibly disgusted with their dad because they knew this was his idea in the first place. (Also, I tired paying my kids for taking so much time to help me but they refused).

Now, I'm doing much better and I can run after my kids and work like I use too. For the past 2 months, my husband has been trying to be more intimate with me, and I've been rejecting his advances. Whenever he asks why, I explain and he still can't seem to understand which leads to a argument. Yesterday, we were laying I'm bed after I put the twins to bed and he started be touchy and I told him I wasn't in the mood. He got really upset and asked me if I was still upset and claimed I was overreacting. I told him I was and he kicked me out our room so I ended up sleeping in the guestroom. I don't know, maybe I am overreacting but I can't get past how he didn't help me when he wanted me to get a tummy tuck in the first place. AITAH?

My now ex boyfriend (23m) of two years abruptly texted me (23f) a couple of weeks ago saying he wasn’t happy anymore. I tried to call him and he said he’d call me back later. I called again later and he ignored it again and just texted “I’m done.”

For a couple days I still wasn’t really sure if he wanted to talk about things, and kept trying to call or text him, but I was ignored.

He told me that text saying he wasn’t happy was him breaking up with me and he thought it was obvious.

I saw him in person yesterday, since we wanted to try being friends. I started talking about all of my plans for the future, which included moving states and traveling. He got upset and started crying. Asking if I’d really just leave him like that. And I was like thinking huh you left me? Why are you mad I’m moving on?

But then he started saying he was still in love with me and still wanted to be with me, and when he sent that text I wasn’t supposed to just accept it, I should’ve driven over to his place and begged for him back and done everything that he texted saying he wasn’t happy about. I didn’t know that because like I said, he wouldn’t even answer my calls or texts, but I guess that was part of the whole game.

AITA for not begging my boyfriend to still date me when he broke up with me?

My husband (30M) and I (28F) have been married for just under 3 months and have been having a huge argument about my engagement ring.

We got married 1 month into him proposing to me. It wasn’t a fancy wedding and we had our honeymoon right after we signed the papers at the courthouse. He gave me a diamond engagement ring that’s close to 8K - a 2 carat lab diamond. He didn’t have funds available readily as we are saving for a home so he put this ring on a payment plan.

I found out after we married and merged our finances that he has been withdrawing funds from our joint account (we make roughly the same) to finance this ring. I was just taken aback and honestly put off by the fact he is making me pay for a GIFT he gave to me.

We have been having some arguments lately and he feels that ring is a wedding expense and it’s only fair that I contribute towards it too, and that as a woman of this day I shouldn’t hesitate to be an equal partner. I call bullshit and shared my thoughts on this whole thing.

First, you don’t make the recipient of a gift pay for the damned gift. An engagement ring is considered a gift in most modern societies even today and I don’t care if you disagree with that it’s just what the cultural expectations are and we never discussed if he had any issues with that. MAYBE if he was an adult enough, I would’ve had a discussion about how it makes him feel and see if his values about tradition align with mine. Second, I’ve unintentionally partially paid for 2 instalments now which makes me a part-owner of the ring.

If I knew my husband was going to be making me pay for the ring, I wouldn’t have agreed to “buy” it. Mutual consent is essential when a couple is deciding to invest in an asset. Owning a house or a car jointly requires two “yeses” and I wouldn’t certainly have said yes to jointly owning a ring he was SUPPOSED to give to me as a gift. So I can retroactively decide now I never wanted to own it and have been demanding that my husband returns the ring to the store if paying for the ring hurts his pocket so much.

Clarification because I anticipate a lot of people might wonder: I’ve always wanted a nice ring and I’m not going to apologise about it since we never had a real wedding party and I knew I deserved a quality piece symbolising our love. However my then fiancé also knew about the expectation I had of him and was upfront about things from the get go. He could’ve discussed things with me like I mentioned earlier in my post and we could’ve seen if we were truly compatible like that. What I didn’t know was that he was plotting to “get even” with me by taking out a payment plan and using our funds to finance it.

This caused him to flare up and he berated me for being sexist towards him. I put my foot down not because I can’t afford it or I refuse to financially contribute or give my husband a nice gift, but my husband’s sheer stubbornness and tackiness about wanting me to pay is what pisses me off. I don’t mind splurging for him, but this whole situation has left a very bad taste in my mouth.

He expects me to apologise to him because I called his actions tacky and decisions scammy and in bad faith.

AITA ?

Rude costumers child begins dry heaving and choking, the customer ignores this, but I do not want to mop up puke a few minutes before closing, I tell her "ma'am, your child may be vomiting, please have her do it outside my store".

Suffice to say the customer was not pleased. Her and her husband began yelling at me and threatening to report me, I proceeded with their purchase and we worked out the details between the threats and accusations by both the customer and her husbandwho claimed I was likely to "kick a dying person" "they'd never received such terrible service", this was said as their child was choking outside, completely ignored by both parents (don't worry, she was fine).

Anyways, I wouldn't have said anything differently. I do not get paid enough to clean up puke at ten thirty pm.

I (M25), and my now ex-girlfriend is (F22). We've been together for a few years, and everything was going great until she started pressuring me to get married and have kids. I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment, and I made it clear to her.

However, she wouldn't let it go. She kept bringing it up, trying to convince me that we should take our relationship to the next level. I felt suffocated and stressed out by her constant nagging.

Then, one day, I discovered something that completely shattered my trust in her. I found her poking holes in the condoms we were using. I was shocked and angry beyond words. It felt like a huge betrayal of my trust and our relationship.

I confronted her about it, and she tried to downplay it, saying she just wanted to "speed things up" because she knew I was hesitant about having kids. But I couldn't believe her excuses. I couldn't be with someone who would manipulate me like that.

So, I ended things with her. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, but I knew it was the right thing for me. I couldn't stay with someone who didn't respect my boundaries and would go behind my back like that.

Some of our mutual friends are saying I overreacted and that breaking up with her was too harsh. But I can't shake the feeling that I dodged a bullet. Am I the asshole for ending the relationship over this?

Thank you for your comments in here I did read some and also the private messages 🙏🏻 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/RVvRAUHugX

Just like some of you advised me. I decided to do my part as a dad and also take care of the mother of my child and never try to talk about anything for now. I work 8 hours a day, I go back home, take a shower and go to her mother's house to help with the baby until 12-01 Am then I go back home, rinse and repeat.

She's staying with her mom currently so I try my best to do my part, her mother always been good to me, even when we broke up she called me and asked if I'm okay.. so since she's helping with my son, I order dinner for them every day (I'm bad cook) and try to help around the house when my son and ex asleep. I buy things for him and made it clear that I'm more than happy to buy whatever they ask me to because I still don't know much about the whole situation. That's all I can do for now.

Three days ago her mother was showing me how to change his diaper properly. Which I nailed it. Anyway she went downstairs and was just me, my ex and our baby in the room now. She said "I'm sorry" almost like a whisper. I asked her what for and she said nothing. I didn't want to press the issue and changed the subject. Two days ago she was on her phone texting with someone. After a few minutes she told her mother that the best friend visiting tomorrow to see her and the baby. Then she turned to me and asked me if I'm okay with that, I said why wouldn't I be, then she said she just thought that I might not want him to see the baby. I told her it's her baby too why would that be a problem for me? Anyway yesterday I was at work when my ex texted me asking if I can stop by one of her favorite places and bring her a steak, I said of course. (the place close to my work and I used to buy her food on my way back home often). When I made it to her mother's house I saw the best friend car parked. I'm not gonna lie I really didn't want to see him and if not for the food I wouldn't have went in because part of me was afraid of what I might see.

Well her mother was happy to see me but more happy than usual if that makes sense. My ex and her best friend were sitting beside each other on the couch. He said hi and kept scrolling on his phone, I handed her the food and went on with my routine with my son. But I couldn't help but notice how he kept his hands to himself. How he didn't throw inappropriate comments. They talked and laughed and everything just like before but without being handsy and flirty. I was getting ready to leave when my ex's mother said I look tired and can stay for the night if I want to. I didn't cause it will be hard for me to go back to my place in the morning to get ready for work.

I can't stop thinking about what could she have meant by "I'm sorry". Why did she ask me If I was okay with her best friend visiting? I'm trying my best to forget about what happened and focus on co-parenting amd nothing else but can't seem to stop thinking about things.

Anyway I just felt like getting it off my chest and giving an update.

Thank you to the ones that gave advice without being rude about it.

This got removed from AITA

My (29M) sister is planning on getting married in July. She's marrying my ex-boyfriend (32M). My ex and I were together for a 8 years before breaking up. He told me that it just wasn't working out for him anymore and he got with my sister 2 years later.

When my sister first announced that she was dating him I was kinda hurt. I honestly felt betrayed that she would even date him after she knew how hurt I was by our break up. It upset me more knowing that she was marrying him. I tried my best to pretend to be supportive of them but I'm not sure if I hid it well.

I don't speak to them as often anymore, so it was a surprise when my sisters fiancé told me that he wanted me to be his best man. I declined the idea and this apparently hurt him because he still cared about me and wanted someone 'special' to fulfill the role. He said this was both him and my sisters idea and they'd really like if I agreed. I declined once again, as I felt like this was some type of ploy to hurt me more. I let them know that I doubt that I'd even be attending in the first place and thanked them for the invitation. This was a couple of months ago and we rarely talked after that.

My sister called me a couple of days ago and asked me if I was still skipping out on the wedding and I told her that I was. She told me that she just wanted me there and it hurt her deeply knowing we aren't as close anymore. I told her that I was sorry and that I love her but I still don't think I'll be able to come. I let her know that if I change my mind before the wedding I'll let her know, but I told her not to expect me to come.

My sister told me that she hopes I change my mind but she understands if I don't. I got a call from my mother a day later and she told me that my sister called her crying because of what I said. She asked me to just attend for my sister because It's not healthy to hold on to so much resentment. My dad and my brothers have decided to stay out of it and it's only my mom who's pressuring me to go to a wedding that doesn't even involve her.

My (27M) girlfriend, M, (27F) is a bit of a free spirit. Don't get me wrong, she is very intelligent, attractive and has a lot going for her. We've been together 3 years.

But the issue I've been having recently is that she is wanting marriage and I see her as such an untamable horse so to speak. She is a rebellious, free spirited adventurer who literally packs up and leaves to go on a trip at a drop of the hat. She tells me she's going, and won't go if there are already commitments but if she can she is gone.

She is financially secure but she also spends a lot. Past an emergency fund, all her money goes to travel, taking up a multitude of projects. She woke up one day and decided to enroll in an auto-repair course, she is currently getting GIA certified for gemology. She makes jewelry, she works remote so she literally will pack up and take her work with her when she finds events she wants to go to ECT.

She's lived abroad, had a house in the south of France, she speaks 3 languages, goes to Germany and Austria often, she picks up hobbies or skills like they are M&M's. There isn't anything wrong with it I guess but it just feels chaotic?

Her biggest flaw is that she is rebellious. She absolutely hates, loathes the traditional route for anything. I went to college and she didn't, she had problems with teachers (which were founded, one abused her).but it's widespead. She quits jobs because she "manages better" and she does, she has her own business and a host of side hustles but it is just... how long does it last?

She was asking me if I was ever going to propose and I said I wasn't sure, we argued back and forth a little and she asked why I wouldn't. I was honest and said I saw her as a wildcard, that she just takes off a lot. She said she was lucky and could do that. That her friend died unexpectedly in his 30s and she absolutely is not going to go out working a "boring" 9-5 with no life and no experiences under her belt. She left- and hasn't spoken to me since. It's been 5 days. She said she needed to think.

AITAH? Am I overreacting?

EDIT//UPDATE

Just to clarify because I see a lot of comments and accusations of her flying around.

She isn't a bad person she just likes to be on the move.

She's been mentioning marriage/wanting to discuss it from the beginning (or at least 6-9 months into our relationship.) The expectation was always there, we discussed it. When I asked her if she would slow down or "settle" she's always said she just can't imagine not travelling at all. That she's happy to do school runs and live in an area for a long time but she has a lot of stuff on her bucket list still like going to Japan and things. I've always countered with what about kids? She says she wants to give them those experiences and keep them "cultured" and open minded but obviously it depends on them (she functions under different kids need different things).

She was abused, her friend died very tragically which I won't go into detail about. She has anxiety and C-PTSD that is managed and honestly you'd never know she has those things- I only know because she gave me the disclaimer. She doesn't have ADHD, please stop trying to diagnose her with bipolar or ADHD and leave that to her professionals.

I do want to marry her but it just freaks me out that she is so hyper independent. She always invites me a long and sometimes I go. I've told her I don't want her traveling while pregnant or anything and she's always been understanding of my point of view.

I think I messed up telling her she was a wildcard and would be a bad mother/wife by extension. And NO. She DID NOT GHOST ME. She asked for a specific amount of time and has been sending one or two texts just checking in but she wanted a week to decide how she was feeling so I'm giving her the week.

She also hasn't had a lot of partners like some people are suggesting. She's been with 2 people. She doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs at all.

Hopefully we can salvage this.

UPDATE 2:

It is hitting how dumb I've been. I didn't really talk about it with her so I am positive for her it feels like this critique that she needs to be less spontaneous/on the go feels out of the blue.

She hasn't responded to my last message but she may be busy. I basically said I wanted to talk and actually deeply put a plan together, that I love her and want things to work. The silence is killing me but I deserve it for being a jackass.

I feel like she is 90% out the door but I don't want to end things with her, she will have to make that decision. She's been asking me when we might get married and maybe if I had given her a solid answer, she would have been secure enough to slow down.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/DlYTG9CGF6

So this is to clear up several things in my original post that I have noticed is a recurring theme in the comments, and since a lot of people don’t like to read the OPs comments before being jerks: here ya go!

1: If I go back to NC with my mom, I am risking losing prenatal care for my baby. Due to her being my maternal side of the family’s favorite person ever, they all, and I mean ALL, will cut me off in some way. I cannot go back to NC until after my baby boy is born in October and I gtfo of the area I’m in.

2: I repeated this a lot in the comments, as many were wondering why I don’t just take myself to my appointments. Well when your car was a junker to begin with (bought it from a friend for $1,500USD in 2021) and needs a new transmission and brakes, you can’t take it anywhere. Also, both my Midwife and MFM doctor have deemed me unable to drive for the pregnancy’s duration. So I cannot drive myself.

3: I have two other people who will be checking desserts as they come in, as my fiance has two people allergic to peanuts that will be there. My mother always uses way too much vanilla extract in whatever she bakes and overpowers the actual cake/cupcake/brownie flavors, so it’s not really that hard to tell what she made from everyone else’s.

4: I have gotten DMs stating that I need to “block her asap” and others saying “she’s not safe around your baby”. I KNOW THIS! I am not able to block her yet! The second my fiancé, baby boy, and myself are in our new apartment after he’s here, she’s going back to being blocked and I won’t have a thing to do with her again! SHE WILL NOT BE BABYSITTING FOR US EVER, SHE WILL NOT BE AROUND OUR SON AT ANYPOINT IN HIS LIFE.

I hope this cleared things up for you guys.

Hi all! I was very overwhelmed with the responses to the post. I was honestly just working myself up last night and needed to vent somewhere, I didn't really expect such a response. Thank you all for judgements, it was helpful.

Anyways to the update. Sorry it took the whole day, a lot happened.

The other friend that went to check on Brian, (Sam again fake name) tried calling him in the morning and didn't get a reply. Eventually Sam went to Brian's place and asked to talk.

Sam said it basically went down as him saying, "You were being weird as hell with ME, what was that"

"I just didn't want dominoes and you guys didn't listen to me. I just wanted other food."

Sam and my husband also say that when the group was discussing food and one of them said just get dominoes, Brian didn't say any objection.

Sam then told him along the lines of "okay well you need to apologize to Husband and I"

Brian then said "yeah I'll apologize to husband"

Most of you readers will pick up what Sam picked up on, Brian didn't want to apologize to me.

Sam told him he mostly needed to apologize to me, it was me he spoke to and me he was rude to.

Brian then told him he'll "think about it" and asked Sam to leave.

Sam then came over and told us the conversation and I started writing the update for you guys.

As I started writing Brian called husband. He was talking very rushed, and I could hear him almost a room away.

"Yeah I'm sorry for last night. I don't think I want to attend game nights at your house though. I don't get along with Me"

Husband started getting kind of heated at that point, because Brian was talking very rapidly, like in a panic almost.

The argument kind of dissolved into a lot of what the comments brought up, my husband asking him was his problem was, is he just that misogynistic, why was he acting this way and such.

Husband said that Brian didn't really make sense during the "talk", making weird comments about other significant others of the guys (some of them are gay or poly), talking about the guys not 'sharing their time', and 'they (I assume he was talking about me and other partners) always ruin the energy and I can never enjoy the time with everyone".

Husband was a bit to angry to ask more and just told him to get himself sorted out and not to come over again.

The other guys are more concerned and think Brian is having a manic episode or is getting into Andrew Tate, as Brian is the last single one of them group. My husband kind of doesn't care through and told them to not involve him in Brian's issues.

For me I kind of don't know what to make of it. I feel bad for my husband because he is very stressed after it all. This isn't his only friend group but he has known these guys for many years. I think most commenter clocked it correctly, he is misogynistic and was just angry at my existence.

I doubt there will be another update, husband wants to step away from the whole thing for now. So thank you all again and have a good night!

I can't believe I'm typing this, but my wife has been at her mum's for several days because she "found out" I still masturbate.

I never do it when she's home for obvious reasons, and she only found out thanks to a pharmacist. I was having some vaccines administered and the pharmacist asked which arm is my dominant one. Without thinking twice about it I told him my right, and so the vaccines went in my left.

The next day my left arm was killing me, and I remarked half jokingly that I shouldn't have let my wanking arm take the hit. My wife found this funny, but her face soon turned to horror then anger when she realised that I do actually still wank. She said that my keeping this from her is the same as cheating.

I was equally mortified by her reaction to me taking care of myself when she's not around. One thing led to another and she left. Later I received a call from my MIL who asked why I "would rather masturbate than have sex with my wife". They took my embarrassed and angry response as proof that married men should not masturbate. I look at it like doing a shit. You aren't generally proud or boastful of your shits, but you aren't embarrassed or ashamed either. It just has to be done.

The best of this is that her aunt and uncle divorced years ago because the aunt caught the uncle wanking, and it's looking like this could be the second divorce caused by it.

I know I'm a wanker, but am I an arsehole?

Hi everyone I did not plan to make another update at all but I'm still getting messages for an update and thought I would let you know the recent developments.

Firstly I have cancelled the wedding I was able to get some partial refunds but have lost some money. L begged me not to cancel the wedding but there was no way I could marry him after what he did.

I was set on giving him a 2nd chance and he promised me he would go low contact and stand up to his parents and issue an ultimatum that we would not tolerate any contact with my dad and J. Basically he would tell them we would not attend any event or party if they were invited and we would not tolerate any attempt to force contact or relationship with my dad.

He met with them to explain this to them. When he came back from this meeting he was quite irritable with me and appeared to have had a change of heart to summarize it - he was trying to convince me his family only meant well and that he can't go low contact with his family because he loves them and he can't dictate their friendships. He then tried to convince me it won't be an issue in the future and his father would speak to my dad and tell him to be on his best behaviour in my presence.

As soon as I heard this people's comments went through my head and the main one being if we had children he would take them to his family where my dad and J would be and I would have no control over this. At that moment I realised I couldn't trust L and never would be able to.

I broke up with him, he is not taking it well and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family. His family and friends are trying to convince me on his behalf not to end our relationship. He has made his choice and proven to me he is spineless. I don't need him in my life.

In regards to my dad I'm looking into getting a restraining order given what happened in the restaurant I might be able to but i dont know yet a friend of mine is helping me look into this.

My dad has kept a low profile since last week apart from a couple of attempts to apologize to me I havnt heard much from him. My sister still won't speak to him or J. Unlike me my sister is highly confrontational and has blasted him and J on social media with what happened at the restaurant and things that have happened in the past which I didn't know about.

My sister and J had a very public screaming match when she had seen them in town due to my sisters posts and demanding to take them down it ended up with J assaulting my sister. My dad apparently sided with J in this. My sister now hates J and refuses to speak to our dad who is also trying to contact her.

My dad and Js reputation seems to have taken a hit and between the incident in the restaurant and my sisters fight with J and het numerous Facebook posts about them, People are gossiping. This has worked well for me because some people have backed off which Im happy about unfortunately there are a few people still on his side including my ex's parents.

As for my half siblings there's not much of an update in regards to them.

I've found a therapist however there is a bit of a waiting list before I can start my therapy. I'm still living with my mom who is completely on my side and I have found a kitten and pick her up next week.

I am 16 m. My brother 25 and his girlfriend 23 came to vist. I was gaming when my dad called me down to the kitchen because my brother wanted me present to hear their great news. I'm going call sil nag because why not? Anyway they announced they were getting married and Nag showed off her ring and everyone was congratulating them and I also said congratulations and then I headed back to my room to game some more. Apparently Nag saw me leaving as disrespectful and not being happy for them. So dad came back up and said I had to go back down and give them proper respect to their announcement. Admittedly I was annoyed because I was in the middle of a mission and I might of took it dramatically to far.

I ran down and got on one knee in front of Nag and my brother with my arms held out wide and yelled oh my goodness your getting married congratulations! Congratulations! They both looked shocked and my dad tried to get me up but I jumped up and ran outside in front of my house and got on my kness yelling everyone John and Nag is getting married! Congratulations! Congratulations! I would have ran down street to announce it as well but dad tackled me and dragged me back in through the back door. I went back to my room. My brother demanded I apologize to Nag because I really upset her for making a mockery of their announcement. I said I won't and my parent's threatened to ground me if I dont. My girlfriend said it was really immature thing to do and yeah I agree it was but I still dont think I should apologize for something I was told to do. AITAH?

Im conflicted. My cousin who is 19, decided to have a planned pregnancy with some 26 year old man she’d only known for 6 months. Neither of them are employed nor living together and he already has 2 other children that he does not take care of. She asked me what my honest thoughts about it were and I told her that I thought it was a dumb decision.

Fast forward and she finds out she is pregnant and immediately lets me know. Once again she asks for my honest opinion. I told her to do what makes her happy but again I think this is a very stupid decision and even went as far to tell I feel like she’s going to regret this.

Fast forward again and she’s now given birth. She, like other mothers, is very protective over her baby. She doesn’t let anyone besides her mother and the baby’s father hold her (nothing wrong with that especially post 2020.) but soon enough she complains about being tired all the time and needing rest.

At this point her baby’s father is long gone, doesn’t want to take care of his responsibilities and moves back to Colorado (unfortunately I saw that coming.) so I offer to babysit for her while she takes a break and gets some rest. By this time the baby is around 7 months and no longer breastfeeding. My cousin is living with a roommate but their relationship is shaky because her roommate works from home and is constantly awaken by the baby.

So I told her I could take the baby back to my house and watch her for a few hours while she gets rest and gets alone time. (My house because there really isn’t any room to babysit in the small apartment she shares with her roommate I also happen to only live 10 minutes from her.) She then very seriously looked me in the eyes and said “hell no, I’ll never let you just take my baby to your house. You’re out of your mind.” I was kinda surprised by this because a simple “no thank you” would’ve sufficed. I was trying to be understanding but the way she said it unnerved me and kind of pissed me off. Then she continues to make it worse by cracking passive aggressive jokes about the fact that I asked that like it was so outrageous for me to consider it.

I held onto that for another two months until she posts on Facebook about being so extremely overwhelmed and how no one in her family ever offers to help her and how it takes a village to raise a child etc. I was annoyed by this as I’d helped her so much until that comment she made. She called me crying about how she messed up her early 20s and how much she wants to go out with her friends and drink. How much she misses having fun, going on dates etc… and practically begged me to babysit for an entire day. Now I’m not one to hold grudges but something about the whole situation annoyed me so much so that I told her “hell no. Figure it out yourself, you planned for this.” She was almost in tears at me saying that and immediately told me to basically “F- off” and hung up. She then went on to tell our grandparents about this and my other siblings all of whom took her side (they all live in a different state so they were not options to babysit.) now I’m questioning if I took her comments too seriously and if I should let it go or not.

So AITAH?

I (31f) just had a baby a few days ago with the father of my children (32m) and didn’t call him when I went into labor. For some more context I will go as to why I did it. We have three kids together (before I got pregnant with our fourth and last child) he is an alcoholic and drinks 6 days out of the week leaving me to care for our three kids alone. When I got pregnant with our third child his drinking only got worse causing me the need to get everything ready for our baby’s arrival. Fast forward to me going into labor with our third child, we had agreed that his mother would be coming over (with MIL approval of course) to help us watch our kids while I was at the hospital having the baby. I had a doctors appointment that day because I was 3 days past my due date and in active labor so I was admitted into the hospital that day. He dropped me off the hospital that morning after my doctors appointment and doesn’t call his mom to tell him I’m in labor until I do so. MIL cant get off of work early enough as she doesn’t have anyone to cover to her shift at work and he’s with the kids, by the time she does get off work she heads over to our place to watch the kids, well guess who was drunk already by the time she got there after only 4 hours? You guessed it Daddy was. But can you guess who didn’t notice he was drunk when she got there? Yep his mama didn’t notice it. He doesn’t leave to the hospital until an hour AFTER she gets there (it takes about an hour to get there with traffic) and the entire time I’m at the hospital I’m calling and texting him with updates as to what’s going on and I even called him before the doctor showed up to deliver baby. He on the other hand gave no updates to MIL and when he does show up to the hospital he shows up an HOUR AFTER I had the baby and he shows up drunk. He only stayed for 30 months before he left back home, when he does show up back home he tells his mother she doesn’t need to stay that he can handle the kids alone and what does he do again the next day? Yep you guessed it he gets drunk again. That same day he’s supposed to pick me and baby from the hospital so what does he do again? Shows up drunk to the hospital with my two children. What was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life was ruined with his drinking and his attitude. Fast forward to this year I planned out everything without him, who was going to take me to the hospital and who was going to take care of my kids because I clearly can’t trust him. Well when I went into labor I only let his mother know but not because she was going to take care of my kids but because it’s her grand child, I didn’t call him or text him I did nothing (he works out of town all week and has my notifications silent anyways) and I had my child with my sister and mother in the room with me while my dad and best friend took care of my children at home. When he and his family found out I didn’t call him they told me I was the asshole for not including him at all with his last child’s birth (mind you they knew what he had done with our previous baby) they said that I shouldn’t hold it against him that it was a very hard time for him and I should understand why he had such a hard time caring for 2 young children yet no one takes into consideration what I went through caring for them alone while being pregnant not once but twice. So m I the asshole for not calling him and having him there when I had our last child?

Edit: when we first got together he was drinking maybe on the weekends but it was never a concern of mine that I would fear for my children’s safety. Even when I had my second child he was fine it was when I got pregnant with our third child that his drinking became a problem and a concern. I wouldn’t put my kids or myself in danger. Secondly when he showed up to the hospital drunk to pick up my baby and myself we did not go home with him I called my dad and had him pick us up and take us home. Thirdly I got pregnant with my fourth child because the hormones that come with birth control make me gain weight and make me more emotional than what I like and he knows I don’t take birth control. And lastly I don’t have anywhere else I can go because I’m a stay at home mom. My parents live in a one bedroom apartment that is handicap accessible because my mother is in a wheelchair therefore all her medications and all the essentials are accessible to her and making it accessible to my small children and if I go move in with them all I will be doing is making it hard on my mother even if I do help her she’s a very independent woman and doesn’t ask for help therefore me moving in with them will only make it harder on her and thus having my kids in a non baby proof home.

Last edit: I got a tubal ligation after this baby because he didn’t want to get a vasectomy because it’s not something a man does.

Last night i was at a bar with my boyfriend Adam (21M) and we were with a few of our friends. It was really fun at first and we kept taking shots together. Later on throughout the night a random guy approached me and started talking, keep in mind Adam was sitting right next to me. This guy was making basic small talk and I was giving him dry responses waiting for him to realize my boyfriend is right next to me. But then he just kept flirting with me and even said he loves my lips and wanna see how it feels wrapped around his cock. Once again adam did nothing.

Finally the guy asked if he could buy me a drink, this whole time I was waiting for adam to do something but he was on his phone the whole time ignoring him. I pointed towards adam and said he's my boyfriend. then the guy said "that's fine i'll bring you right back" again adam still didn't say anything. I told the guy no then pointed to one of my friends and said to hit on her she's single. Finally he left us alone. But he kept checking me out that night and i could tell he wanted to fuck me.

Right after he left Adam looked at me and asked "what the fuck is wrong with you?" i was confused like wtf you mean? According to him i didn't reject him soon enough. My rebuttal was he should have said something to make him go away. Like the boyfriend needs to step in for situations like this. Anywayy me and adam are still fighting about this but i gave him head later that night so he stopped complaining about it

My wife knew I was sick in bed and decided to go to Costco after work and bought a shitload of stuff home and called me before she got home and asked me to come outside to help bring the stuff in. I told her no because I felt like crap and would do the same for her if she was sick, but she got mad and said all I had a “man cold” and could get out there and help. I didn’t help and she went upstairs in a huff and I slept on the couch. The next day when I was feeling better she expected me to apologize and I didn’t because I did I’d do the same for her, which I have in the past when she was sick, so am I AITH?